Despite living in this modern era, the age old conflict between love and arranged marriages is still going on. Parents are more inclined towards arranged marriages but children want to experience love as in the movies. Seeing this ongoing battle, BiWi has some great advice for both parents and children.
BiWi shares interesting advice for both parents and children if they are caught up in the love vs. arranged marriage dilemma!
What should parents do if their child insists on love marriage?
So, you just heard that the apple of your eye wants to get married to their choice of girl or boy. No, please don’t have a heart attack, become hysterical, slap your child silly or threaten to disown them. These are extreme measures that you can use later on if things don’t go your way. So what exactly should you do?
Calmly and rationally ask your son or daughter about the person they want to get married to. Where did they meet and how long has this been going on? Then ask for more details, for example, what does he/she do, where does he/she lives, their family background, religion, etc.? If, during this interrogation, you find out that your child has chosen a wrong partner for him/herself, because of religious or other differences, do not tell your child straightaway or they’ll become even more rebellious and adamant to have their way.
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The next step may be the hardest but it needs to be done. Tell them that you agree to meet them but don’t make any promises. Such a cool and calm response from you will show your child that you are willing to give their chosen partner a try. It is important that your child feels this way because then they will be more willing to listen to you when you later on (after you meet the other party) tell them why they might not be such a good match after all. But, of course, if they still stubbornly stick to their choice then your last hope is to insist on a very long engagement.
What should children do if their parents insist on an arranged marriage?
Your parents tell you that a nice family is coming over to see you and instead of running away from the room in a classic show of shyness, you start shrieking at them, “How can you do this to me? I’m not ready for this!” Really, there is no need for such theatrics. So, what should you say instead?
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Be honest and tell them, in a lowered voice and a calm manner, that you are very surprised that they have started thinking about your marriage. Then explain to them why you dislike the idea of an arranged marriage and how marrying a complete stranger just scares the heck out of you. They’ll definitely start telling you why marriage is important and the reason why they want an arranged marriage for you is because they want the best for you. In return, you should tell them that you realize that and are willing but you want them to promise not to rush anything.
However, if you are interested in someone else already, then this may be a good time to tell them so. If they refuse point blank then don’t get all infuriated and generally start acting like an idiot, because your parents will just think that you are immature and can’t make decisions for yourself. Instead try to get them to at least meet your chosen partner and then decide. In the end, with the utmost respect, make it absolutely clear to them that even if you do get into an arranged marriage, the last say will be yours.
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